On Tuesday, May 15, I sat anxiously in my office doing anything but getting my work done. I was on my phone with my husband telling him that once again, I had called the nurses and my doctor was at the hospital and he wanted to talk to me so I knew nothing and suspected everything. While talking to Bill, my cell phone rang and it was the doctor’s office. I hopped off with Bill and got right on with the doctor himself.
He apologized for the delay, delivering babies and all, and then he asked if I wanted to come in and talk to him. I gasp and started to cry a bit. I managed to squeak out, “Is it…” “Yes, the biopsy says its suspicious of cancer.” That one sentence packed a huge punch. We went on to have a very good conversation. He was kind, he was understanding, he was very informative, he explained my options and helped me make, rather quickly, a couple of treatment decisions that would greatly affect my outcome. In the end, he left me with these words, which I so greatly appreciated: “If you need anything at all, call me. You do not have to carry this burden alone or without assistance. I will help you get whatever medicine or treatments you need to take care of this.” And with that, he passed the torch on to another great doctor.
While I subsequently fell apart in my office, my doctor was at the hospital. In between deliveries, he found one of the best surgeons in our area and told him about my case and asked him to take it on. He agreed and by late that afternoon, I had a phone call from both doctors’ offices telling me I had a surgery consult the very next morning. Believe it or not, I liked the swift movement. All I knew at the time was that I had cancer and I wanted it out of my body. This could only mean they wanted it out fast too.
My friend and co-worker immediately called my husband and told him to come get me. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I honestly couldn’t even think straight at that point. I am ashamed to admit it, but I did break completely down. I always thought I would be strong if anything ever happened to me, but nothing prepares you for this. When Bill had West Nile, I was very strong and cried very little. He needed me to be strong, there were lots of decisions to be made for him since he could not do it. It never phased me until AFTER we got home! But this, well this was different, I just felt scared, overwhelmed and lost. I wanted to yell, cry, scream, run away… anything at all that would make this stop while I figured out the proper way to react – how to deal with it. I just sat there in my office with my co-workers around me crying and trying to string two sentences together to tell them what was said. It was some of the most difficult time I have ever spent. But I must add that it was a special time when I felt the most loved and cared for in my life. These gals are truly amazing and I was, and still am, overwhelmed by their support and encouragement.
